We had an intimate conversation with an inspiring woman from the Love and Grace community. She shared her story about dealing with PCOS, giving us a real look into her ups and downs, and the strength that keeps her going.

…you may not be able to get pregnant after 25.

These were the words that broke me out of the numbness I had felt all through the processes of checks and tests. Words uttered with so much insensitivity from the one person I expected to understand my pain. I burst into tears at the thought of what would become my new reality. I couldn’t make sense of what was happening to me. I had been bleeding non-stop for three months, and I was finally at the clinic to get some answers, a permanent fix but instead I got this.

Nothing prepared me for the news I was about to receive. The doctor looked up at me after he had taken his time to study the results of my hormonal profiling and scan. “You have PCOS and you may not be able to have children after 25” were the words he threw at me so insensitively. It felt like the walls around me were closing in on me, I couldn’t breathe. I was holding on to the table in front of me for support, my blouse squeezed between my fist that was clenched tightly against my chest; I burst into tears at the realization that my dreams of having my children may always remain a dream. I’ve always wanted children of my own. I’ve had dreams about dressing them up for school, teaching them to bake, watching them grow, and building strong bonds with them, among other things. Hearing that there was a possibility it would all remain a dream, shattered me.

Since then, it’s been an emotional journey with PCOS. The constant loneliness and struggle to articulate and express my feelings. The endless rollercoaster of emotions. Days when I feel normal versus days when I feel trapped in a black hole. I feel like my body betrayed me. Like it’s not mine anymore, but entirely someone else’s, that I have to fight against. I have scoured the internet looking for answers, only to end up feeling overwhelmed. So many conflicting opinions and treatments. It doesn’t help that I can’t relate to the experience of others, because mine feels different.

I often feel like I’m drowning in my sadness, but I keep fighting to stay afloat; putting up a front like everything is fine when deep down, nothing feels right. From the unending feelings of uncontrollable anxiety and nausea… to insomnia and constant bloating, not to mention all the physical symptoms serving as clear reminders of what my body is doing to me. I have felt deep anger and frustration for what I have to deal with daily. A daily battle I didn’t choose, and can’t choose not to fight. I dread looking in the mirror and seeing the acne that never leaves my face, the hair on my chin, the weight that seems impossible to lose, or patches of hyperpigmentation expressly scattered all over my body.

It’s not fair! It feels unfair that my body won’t function like it’s supposed to. I get angry when people tell me to just lose weight, or that it’s not that bad. They don’t understand the emotional toll that PCOS takes on me. Aside from being a physical condition, it’s also a mental one…

Despite all this anger and frustration, I won’t give up. I won’t let PCOS win. I refuse to accept defeat. Though it’s taken a lot of time and effort, I’ve found ways to stay afloat. My methods are not perfect, but it’s progress. I’ve learned to eat healthier, prioritizing nutrient-dense foods, and quality over quantity, replacing soda with water and herbal teas. Incorporating physical activities like exercising 3 times weekly, and taking long walks into my routine. I prioritize stress management through meditation, yoga, journaling, massages, and spending more time on things I love. 

It’s not been easy but it’s worth it.

I have come to realize that PCOS is a part of me, but it doesn’t define me. Even though It’s taken me a while to get to this point, I’ve learned to accept my body and all its imperfections. I still have bad days but I’m mostly at peace with my journey, maintaining gratitude for the lessons it’s taught me, and the strength it’s given me. I’ve learned to love myself, PCOS and all, realizing that I don’t need to be perfect. Every little bit of progress is worth celebrating, and my happiness isn’t tied to a number on the scale or a clear complexion. It comes from within.

I remain hopeful that someday, I’d find someone who loves me for me, and not just out of pity. They would hold my hand as we navigate life together, with or without children; because there’s more to me than PCOS.

To the woman who may be struggling, it’s okay to not be understood, to feel angry, frustrated, sad, or isolated.  Always remember, you’re not alone, and someday, you’ll find acceptance, hope, and above all, self-love. 

PCOS may be part of your journey, but it doesn’t have to define you.

Ever heard of PCOS? I’ll confess.

I first heard of the word PCOS Post-COVID. It’s fascinating how many women live with it, unknowingly navigating its complexities for years. Perhaps you can relate or maybe you are still in the dark about it. Trust me, you are not alone.

Not knowing anyone dealing with PCOS, I remained blissfully oblivious. Little did I realize that countless women, maybe even someone you know, silently struggle with this condition. 15% of women of reproductive age have PCOS. It is one of the most common causes of women’s infertility. Surprised? So was I. Despite its prevalence, many women are in the dark about it. Let’s talk about it.

So, what is PCOS? It is short for Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. But it is more than just a tongue-twisting term. LOL

Picture this: you are living your life, navigating your daily routines, dreams, and aspirations. Suddenly, you start having irregular periods, hormonal imbalances, weight struggles, and it is like your body is playing a game of its own.

The truth is, PCOS is diverse. It does not have a one-size-fits-all appearance. It is unique to each person it touches. From sudden mood swings to unexpected hair growth, from fertility battles to acne that feels like you just hit puberty again. It is a medley of experiences and most times, it is happening all at once.

Yet, here is the silver lining. Understanding PCOS gives you power. It’s like deciphering a secret code that unlocks a new chapter of self-awareness. Once you know, you can take charge, make informed decisions, and seek the support you deserve. If you suspect that you or someone you know might have PCOS, it’s important to seek medical attention.

In the rollercoaster ride called motherhood, one thing is crystal clear: your best is more than enough. As long as you pour your heart and soul into nurturing your little one, you are already wearing that “Best Mom Ever” badge proudly.

Speaking of badges, science shows us that moms who are able to breastfeed their children feel all sorts of emotions as a result of hormonal changes in the body. The body produces prolactin and oxytocin when they breastfeed, which naturally results in a nurturing, calm and peaceful response that allows moms focus and bond with their babies. Moms proudly put on that badge of honor knowing they can give their babies the best, which to be honest makes them feel adequate.

Ideally, breastfeeding is the healthiest way to feed your infant. It gives them nutrition along with important antibodies (proteins that support your immune system), and so on, and it is beautiful.

But what if life takes a different route and breastfeeding is not part of the journey and you have questions like:

• Am I producing more milk in one boob than in the other? 
• Is my milk just not flowing as it should? 
• Is my baby not getting an adequate amount of milk keeping them below their recommended weight? 
• Is my schedule not working out to carry out this part of life that should occur naturally? 
• Have I chosen that breastfeeding is just not for me? 
• Why is breastfeeding my baby reminding me of a traumatic season in my life?
• Why do I feel like I am putting my baby in harm’s way by breastfeeding them?

The list goes on and on.

When breastfeeding is not an option, it is like having a secret garden that you cannot access. There is this feeling, this nagging thought of “Am I enough?” It is like someone dimmed the lights on your confidence. The world might reassure you that you are amazing, but there is this tangle of emotions inside.

Inadequacy can be a tricky friend. It creeps in when you least expect it, whispering that you are missing a vital ingredient. It’s like being handed a canvas with missing colors. You find yourself wondering if you are doing justice to the masterpiece of motherhood.

But here is the thing about that canvas. It is not defined by a single shade. It is a whirlwind of colors, a masterpiece created stroke by stroke, moment by moment. Just because breastfeeding is not part of your palette does not mean you are any less of an artist.

You see, motherhood is not about one single act. It is a symphony of lullabies, late-night cuddles, and wiping away those tears. It is about teaching life’s lessons, cheering from the sidelines, and being a rock when the world gets stormy.

So, yeah, not being able to breastfeed is a chapter in your story, not the whole book. It is a piece of the puzzle, not the entire picture. It is okay to feel that twinge of “what if” but remember, you are writing your story brushstroke by brushstroke.

To all you incredible mothers who cannot breastfeed, your love is what sets the stage. You are still the comfort in your child’s laughter and the anchor in their storms. So, feel those feelings, acknowledge them, but also embrace the truth: YOU ARE DOING A REMARKABLE JOB!

 

I never really paid much attention to my bladder until I had my daughter. Well, that’s not completely true. When I was about 11 years old, I once heard my friend say – “your bladder can get slacked if you don’t pee when you’ve got to pee.” Wait, so I can involuntarily pee my pants if my bladder muscles are no longer working? Because they are “slacked?”

I freaked out and never held my pee again. 

Let’s fast forward to postpartum. After becoming a certified pre/postnatal fitness specialist, one of my goals was to research why the pelvic floor muscles undergo so much stress during pregnancy and beyond. Why am I leaking involuntarily? Will this last forever? I only sneezed or laughed, and my undies are wet. Is this normal because I had a baby?

Research shows that 1 in 3 women will experience bladder problems such as urinary incontinence if they have had at least one child. During pregnancy, the body produces hormones that stretch the muscles and tissues that make up your pelvic floor. The pelvic floor houses three important organs (vagina, bladder & rectum). The openings of these organs are called sphincters, which are crucial to the functioning of your pelvic floor. A weak pelvic floor may be because some or all of these sphincters not working properly.

Below are some tips to help improve your bladder health and reduce urinary incontinence. 

1.       Eating right: eating the right foods will not only improve your health but also target areas in your body that keep your bladder healthy. For example, foods that contain caffeine should be eliminated or at least reduced drastically from your diet as caffeine is a bladder stimulant. Adding more whole foods like vegetables, fiber and fruits that contain a lot of water (e.g, watermelon) that are not high in citrus content go a long way in keeping your bladder happy and not so irritable. 

2.       Exercise: Keeping a healthy weight puts less strain on the bladder and reduces urinary incontinence significantly. Maintaining a healthy BMI body mass index helps with bladder control. Taking walks and engaging in simple exercise routines go a long way. Checkout the PPCORE, foundation programs and nutrition book (LIM guide) on the website https://loveandgracewellness.com/products/website to get started.

3.       Bladder training: you can work on consciously strengthening the muscles in the bladder by engaging in simple short exercises such as quick squeezes similar to kegels. Kegels are a quick and effective way of reminding your bladder muscles how to function. To practice this, use the toilet and in the middle of peeing, pause and hold the release of urine. Now go one to completely empty your bladder and practice that hold and release for a few seconds. Repeat this a few times a day for a few seconds. This simple exercise can help build muscle strength and improve bladder performance. To learn more about the types of pelvic floor exercises you can do, visit the PPCORE 1 eCourse via the website (www.loveandgracewellness.com). This course offers useful material on your postpartum recovery journey alongside exercises.

4.       Surgery: this should only be considered in severe circumstances after speaking about your options with your doctor. After having a child some women may experience some form of POP (pelvic organ prolapse), which occurs when muscles or tissues of the pelvic floor become weak to support the pelvic floor organs (vagina, bladder, rectum), causing any of these organs to shift out of their normal position.

Takeaways:

·       Avoid foods and drinks that are high in sugar and caffeine as these will irritate the bladder

·       Exercise at least 3 times a week by engaging in gentle exercises that are effective for your pelvic floor. The PPCORE 1 program is a great place to start

·       Adopt healthier habits like avoid smoking, maintaining good posture, choosing healthier foods, exercising often, staying hydrated

·       Avoid holding your pee. Go to the toilet when you get the urge to

· Keep your mental health in check and seek support when needed

November is bladder health month. I hope this piece was able to shed some light on this topic.

Below is a clip on types of urinary incontinence one may face postpartum. Knowing the type of urinary incontinence you might be dealing with can help you address the problem carefully. Always seek medical advice from your doctor before taking part in any recovery program.

Much love, Wande

Sometime in June, 2018, just a few weeks after relocating back home, I woke up one morning in a different body. My daughter was only 8 months old trying to adjust to her new normal just like the rest of us. We had travelled across continents and time-zones with job changes and a new life to begin. We were tired! On this fateful day, I woke up and got ready to brush my teeth, only to realize that my mouth was bent to the side and I could not control it. I tried to gargle but struggled. I immediately called my husband, “babe, there is something wrong.” “What do you mean,” he said? I responded – my face feels like it has a partial stroke. I can’t close or control the muscles in my mouth. “Come home”- I said in frustration. Something is not right.

Fast forward to driving down to the doctor’s, it was confirmed to be a condition called Bell’s Palsy. The Dr. confirmed that there is no known cause, but it could have been triggered by anything. Bell’s Palsy is a condition that occurs when the root of the facial nerve is attacked by a virus, causing paralysis to one side of the face. There is no cure for it.

After doing a little more research, I discovered that stress could also be a trigger or even something I ate. The last thing I recall eating a day before it happened were some nuts. Because of this, I stayed away from nuts for about 2 years to be on the safe side.

However, after visiting my doctor for my annual wellness check in 2020, she confirmed because Bell’s Palsy is idiopathic, meaning there is no known cause, it is difficult to determine where it stemmed from. For this reason, I was able to eat nuts again.

I started noticing recovery at the 6-month mark with accompanied pain on the affected side of my face. It was a good sign that my nerves were beginning to wake up. My smile also started to return gradually. Before then, it was hard to laugh or smile. I have never been the one with low self-esteem, but the condition left me uneasy and unsettled. I hardly left the house or received visitors. I wondered if my face will ever get back to normal. The stress from traveling around, resigning from my job and adjusting to motherhood in a new country took a toll on my body. Bell’s palsy can also spring up in women who are in their 3^rd trimester of pregnancy.

Today, I am feeling a lot better than where I started. After 2 years of recovery, my sense of self has returned. I may never have my face back at 100% but where it is today is a lot to be grateful for.

Have you heard of Bell’s Palsy? Do you know anyone that had or has it? Share your experience. I would love to hear from you.

BELL’S PALSY AWARENESS WEEK IS MARCH 1^ST TO 7^TH.

I was never the athletic girl or runner growing up. I didn’t like exercising. It was a chore and a bore. But one thing I paid some attention to was wellness. Not necessarily what I ate or how I moved, but the serenity and calm I felt when I saw something clean. A bit weird I know. I honestly didn’t start falling in love in with exercising until after I had my daughter. I became and felt more empowered and was able to channel that energy into postpartum exercise. I find comfort and strength in exercising. I have maintained this momentum for 3 years and it has been going well.

Below are a few things that have helped keep exercise consistently a part of my life.

 

1. Start simple: you don’t have to overcomplicate exercises to make you feel like you exercised. Start small. Do one or two exercises to begin and start to work your way up as your body builds more strength and endurance.
2. Find exercises you enjoy: when you are not enjoying your workout, it may discourage you from exercising. You lose motivation and may give up after your first try. I have a list of exercises in my YouTube Channel library that you can try.
3. Plan your workouts: I usually have an idea of the exercise I will be doing the following day to help prep my mind and body for what to expect. This goes a long way in also holding yourself accountable. Also, bringing out your workout gear a day before your workout helps with staying organized and ready to go.
4. Exercise around the same time every day: I currently workout every morning between 9:05am and 9:15am for about 15 to 20 minutes. This time reminds me that I must exercise. It’s like setting a recurring meeting in your google calendar that you can’t miss or a work meeting that holds at the same time every day.
5. Think of exercise as a simple routine: the same way I brush my teeth and take a shower daily is the same way I think of exercise. It is part of my daily regimen and part of who I am.
6. Have your favorite playlist going: if you like to listen to music, you can collate a list of your favorite songs to get you in the mood to exercise. The endorphins released from exercising as well as the vibes from your soundtrack will get you going.

Whatever it is, write out your goals, make sure they are specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and time – bound. It might not be as easy as it looks or seems but with time, everything will come together if you are consistent and dedicated. Show yourself some love and grace and trust the process.

The bottom line is that you must be ready to do this for YOU only then will you naturally crave to exercise and stay well.

Every mama, at some point in her recovery journey has consciously or subconsciously wondered if the loose skin that appeared after delivery will ever go away. Well, there is no clear, cut and dry answer. Everyone’s body is different so what you notice on body will not be the same as seen on another mama. Also keep in mind that hormonal changes in the body play a major role in how the body looks after pregnancy and needs time to re-adjust to its pre-pregnancy state. Below are six tips on how to improve the loose skin you may be experiencing and wellness habits you can adopt.

 

1. Move: it is important to keep the body active after having a baby. Most times, you are safe to exercise with direction from your doctor 6-8 weeks after baby. The timeline is heavily dependent on whether you had a vaginal or c-section delivery (also factoring in complications if any). Exercising makes the body feel good and well. Besides burning calories during a workout, targeted strength training & cardio exercises also help improve skin elasticity and toning the body.
2. Drink water: drinking enough water not only prevents dehydration but helps burn calories and prevents bloating and water retention. Water also helps with skin elasticity and tightening of the skin.
3. Breastfeeding: if you are still in the breastfeeding stage, congratulations. This simple act of nourishing your child helps you burn a few calories more a day. The breastfeeding process also gradually helps shrink the size of the uterus by contracting due to a decrease in the levels of oxytocin hormone.
4. Engage in proper breathing: one of the most important ways to restore proper core and pelvic floor function after delivery is by engaging in core breathing exercises. This is equally as important during the pregnancy phase. When people hear breathing, they assume it involves chest breathing. However, core breathing takes it a step further. The act of core breathing involves engaging your core to breathe. Take a deep breath and fill the belly in with air. Gently release the air through exhalation and hold for a few seconds while still breathing. Repeat this exercise a few times a day and you will notice a difference in how your core area feels. Properly engaging these abdominal muscles, in turn helps reduce the amount of loose skin you notice over time.
5. Eat well: stuffing your plate with a variety of fruits and vegetables goes a long way in keeping your body nourished as well as healing connective tissue that has stretched during pregnancy. Foods high in vitamin A & C such as pumpkin, squash, carrots, cantaloupe (vitamin A) and oranges, bell peppers, berries (vitamin C & antioxidants) should be included in your diet as much as possible. Eating a well-balanced meal that contains healthy fats, lean protein, fruits, vegetables, and complex carbs helps restore tightness to your skin. Other foods that aid in collagen production include tomatoes, spinach, kale, broccoli. Make your plate colorful and rich.
6. Exfoliate: just like the way you exfoliate your face to remove dead skin, exfoliating around the belly area helps with the same. Keep it strong and healthy by exfoliating regularly and increase blood circulation and skin elasticity. You can use a chemical exfoliator or a DIY one by using ingredients in your kitchen like salt or sugar and your favorite carrier or essential oils.

 

At the end of the day, your post-pregnancy body will not be the same as your pre-pregnancy body so embrace your new self with good intentions and adopt healthy habits to change your life. Take care of your body so it can take care of you. Have you already started to adopt any of these tips?

 

As a wellness coach, I think it’s important to constantly remind myself and those around me, what my “why is.” In 2012, I had a health scare. If you have read my nutrition and lifestyle book, Less Is More, you will know that majority of my wellness journey story includes my husband, who I see as my accountability partner. However, I had to make some changes and tough decisions for everything to be successful.

Going back to the health scare, I always had headaches as a child even into my early teens and early to late twenties. Headaches and bloating were a norm. It was part of my life. If I didn’t have a headache, I assumed my body was just taking a break.

About 9 years ago, I was sitting at my work study desk at home and remembered having headaches that just would not go away. The following day, I scheduled an appointment with my doctor. After describing the frequency of the headaches and how long they lasted, she immediately went over my blood pressure numbers that had been taken before the consultation started. She was not pleased with what she saw.  She went on to have me purchase a BP (blood pressure) machine and monitor my BP at home for a week. She associated my headaches with the high BP (as well bloating) and wanted to know what my BP numbers were whenever I had an episode. About two days later, I started recording my BP every day. The following week, I returned to the hospital to go over the blood work that was taken the week prior to. Overall, everything looked great except on thing. She said, “Wande, your sodium intake is high, we need to control it.”

She later went on to share a nutrition chart that included all the classes of foods with suggestions of the high sodium foods to avoid and what healthier options to replace them with.

I gradually started to notice a drop in my BP levels and the headaches were considerably reducing.

Fast forward to 9 years later, my life has changed for the best. I am a living example of what it means to be and still becoming the best version of myself. Well

ness has become the reason for my existence and will be till I am no longer here. It is who I am. Join me on this wellness journey, let’s see what we can achieve together. There is more to you. Find it and live your best life while you can.

Will my milk supply dip if I exercise? This is a question I heard repeatedly at 8 months postpartum. I didn’t get it. Why would your milk supply drop because you are exercising? It didn’t make sense. Recently, I did some research on why this belief was floating around. I wanted to get it straight once and for all.

Ah ha, I finally found out why. Small studies show that level of intensity in your workouts can alter the lactic acid levels in your breast milk, which could affect the taste. If you engage in exercises at 100% intensity, lactic acid levels in the breast milk change. Engaging in low intensity workouts or bringing your high intensity workouts down a notch can make a difference in how baby may reacts to your milk. It doesn’t mean your milk is bad or harmful to baby, it just means you may have to wait a bit before beginning the next feeding session and preferably rinse off the sweat to avoid baby tasting salty milk. Other low intensity workouts include yoga, Pilates, swimming, brisk walking, strength training.

So what are some tips for breastfeeding with confidence?

• as mentioned above, take precaution while exercising so you are not discouraged that baby is rejecting your breast milk (just for the period of time the lactic levels are changing). Taking simple precautions like feeding baby before you exercise and others listed above can go a long way in making your breastfeeding sessions a pleasant experience.
• surround yourself with a strong support system. You want to have the right energy that will allow you breastfeed for as long as you want.
• eating the right foods help with nourishing you and baby. In my Nutrition Book, LIM Guide, I talk about the types of foods that are great for breastfeeding.
• join support groups that have similar interests and experiences like you.
• exercise as often as you can to help build up endorphins that help improve your mental health and mood. Visit the website to access simple home workouts that you can complete at your schedule

I hope these tips helped. Wishing you all the best in your breastfeeding journey as a first or second time mama. The month of August honors and recognizes both World Breastfeeding and Black Breastfeeding Weeks to create more awareness on the benefits and importance of breastfeeding.